Fallen Too Far peanut butter sandwich scene retold in Rush’s POV

This excerpt is from FALLEN TOO FAR. However, this is rewritten and told from Rush’s point of view.

“Could you not be good for just one kiss? Please?” Those words had kept me up all damn night. How the hell I’d walked out of that little room, I had no idea. It wasn’t like me to turn down a girl. Especially one that I wanted and I wanted Blaire something fierce. She was beginning to take over my every thought. I had to stop it. I couldn’t let her in any more. She didn’t know the truth. I had to protect myself and her. My feelings for her were already too dangerous.

As much as I wanted to tell her about Nan, I couldn’t. She’d hate me and I was too far gone now. I couldn’t live with Blaire hating me. I glanced back over my shoulder at the closed pantry door. Last night Blaire’s parting comments about her being the unwelcomed guest had pissed me off. I was changing that. Maybe I wasn’t ready to move her upstairs yet but I would feed her. I wasn’t sure what she was eating in the mornings but since she was sleeping late today I had time to make her breakfast.

The pantry door opened behind me and I glanced back again to see Blaire staring at me with a surprised look on her face. We hadn’t ended things well last night. This morning I was going to change that.  “Good morning. Must be your day off.”

She didn’t move and gave me a forced smile. “Smells good,” she replied

“Get out two plates. I make some killer bacon.” I was going to soften her up. I knew she was still mad about me leaving her last night but damned it I hadn’t done it for her. Not me.

“I’ve already eaten, but thank you.” she replied then bit down on her lower lip as she looked longingly at the bacon. What the hell was that all about? And when had she eaten? I’d been up for two hours and she hadn’t been out of her room.

I set the fork down that I was using and focused on her instead of the bacon.  “How have you already eaten? You just woke up.” I asked then watched her carefully in case she decided not to tell me the complete truth. If this was about her not wanting to eat in front of me, or some ridiculous girl issue like that, she was going to have to get over it.
“I keep peanut butter and bread in my room. I had some before I came out.”

     What the hell did she just say?  “Why do you keep peanut butter and bread in your room?” I asked.

She nibbled nervously on her lip a moment then let out a sigh.  “This isn’t my kitchen. I keep all my things in my room.”

She kept all her things in her room? Wait… what!  “Are you telling me that you only eat peanut butter and bread when you’re here? That’s it? You buy it and keep it in your room and that is all you eat?” A sick knot had formed in my stomach that I hadn’t felt since I was a kid. If she told me all she ate was fucking peanut butter sandwich’s I was going to lose it. Had I made her think she couldn’t eat my food? FUCK!

She nodded slowly. Those big eyes of hers were even bigger now. I was an asshole. No… I was worse than an asshole.

I slammed my hand against the counter and focused on the bacon while I tried like hell to get control of myself. This was my fault. Fuck me, this was all my fault. She never complained when any other woman on the planet would have. And she was eating mother fucking peanut butter sandwich’s everyday. My chest hurt. I couldn’t do this anymore. I’d tried. I was done keeping her at a distance.

“Go get your stuff and move upstairs. Take any room on the left side of the hall you want. Throw that damn peanut butter away and eat whatever the hell you want in this kitchen.” I informed her.

She remained frozen in her spot. Why wasn’t she listening to me?

“If you want to stay here, Blaire, then move your ass upstairs now. Then come down here and eat something out of my motherfucking fridge while I watch.” I growled and she stiffened at my response. I needed to calm down. I didn’t want to scare her I just wanted her to move upstairs dammit. And eat some bacon!

“Why do you want me to move upstairs?” she asked softly.

I moved the last piece of bacon to the paper towel before looking at her again. Seeing her hurt me physically. Knowing I’d treated her so poorly and she’d taken it was making it hard to fucking breathe.

“Because I want you to. I hate going to bed at night and thinking about you asleep under my stairs. Now I have the image of you eating those damn peanut butter sandwiches all alone in there and it’s a little more than I can deal with.” There I’d said it.

She didn’t argue this time. She turned around and walked back into the pantry. I stood there and waited until she walked back out carrying her suitcase in one hand and a jar of peanut butter and loaf of bread in the other. She put the jar and bread on the counter without looking at me and then walked toward the hallway.

I was having to hold onto the edge of the counter to keep from grabbing the jar of peanut butter and smashing it against the wall. I wanted to hit something. The ache inside was taking over and I needed to hurt something to ease the anger. Anger that was directed completely at me for being a complete jerk.

“I don’t have to move upstairs. I like that room,” Blaire’s soft voice broke into my thoughts and I had to grip the counter even tighter. I’d mistreated an innocent. I wasn’t going to be able to forgive myself for this.

“You belong in one of the rooms upstairs. You don’t belong under the stairs. You never did.” I replied without looking at her.

“Would you at least tell me which room to take? I don’t feel right picking one out. This isn’t my house.”

I was scaring her. One more thing she didn’t deserve. I let go of my grip on the counter and looked over at her. She looked ready to bolt back for the pantry at any minute.

“The rooms on the left are all guest rooms. There are three of them. I think you’ll enjoy the view from the last one. It looks out over the ocean. The middle room is all white with pale pink accents. It reminds me of you. So, you go choose. Whichever one you want. Take it then come down here and eat.”

“But I’m not hungry. I just ate—”

“If you tell me you ate that damn peanut butter again I am going to throw it through a wall.” Fuck the thought of that made me furious. I took a deep breath and focused on sounding calm. “Please, Blaire. Come eat something for me.”

She nodded her head and climbed the stairs. I should go take her suitcase for her but I knew right now she didn’t want me near her. She needed to do this alone. I’d just acted like a crazy man. I washed the skillet out that I’d cooked the bacon in. Once it was put away and Blaire still wasn’t back downstairs from choosing her room, I took a large plate out of the cabinet and filled it with eggs and bacon before sitting down at the table. She could eat off my plate.

Blaire stepped into the kitchen and I looked up to see her staring at me. “Did you choose a room?” I asked.

She nodded and walked over to stand on the other side of the table. “Yes. I believe so. The one you said had a great view is it… green and blue?”

“Yes it is.” I couldn’t keep from smiling. I liked that she’d chosen the one I thought she would. Even if it was the room closest to me.

“And you’re okay with me staying in that room? It is really nice. I’d want that room if this were my house.” She was still making sure that I wouldn’t change my mind and toss her back under the stairs.

I smiled at her reassuringly “You haven’t seen my room yet.” I had said “yet”. I was going to cave in.  “Mine takes up the entire top floor.” I explained.

“You mean all those windows? That’s all one big room?” The awe in her voice was hard to miss. I would be taking her up there to see it before it was all over. I was weaker than I thought.

“Yep,” was my only reply.

I ate a piece of bacon while trying to correct my wayward thoughts of Blaire in my room. That would never be a good idea.  “Did you already put your things away?” I asked trying to think about something else. Anything else.

“No, I wanted to check with you before I unpacked. I should probably just keep everything in the suitcase. By the end of this next week I’ll be ready to move out. My tips at the club are good and I’ve saved most all of it.”

No. She couldn’t live alone. That wasn’t safe. She thought she had to move because of me. Her sorry ass father hadn’t even called to check on her. She had no one and she was so damn vulnerable. Someone needed to protect her. She wasn’t moving out of this house. I couldn’t stand to think of someone hurting her. I kept my focus on the beach outside hoping it calmed me but the panic settling in at the thought of her living alone was taking over.

“You can stay as long as you want to, Blaire.” I assured her. I needed her here.

She didn’t respond. I pulled out the chair beside me. “Sit beside me and eat some of this bacon.” She sat down slowly then I pushed my plate over to her “Eat,” I told her.

She picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite. Her eyes did a fluttery thing that made her eyelashes fan across her cheekbone. Fuck me that was sexy as hell. I nudged the plate toward her again “Eat another.”

She was grinning at me like she found this funny and the ache inside me eased. I could keep her here. I would make it so that she never wanted to leave.

“What are your plans for today?” I asked her.

“I don’t know yet. I thought I’d look for an apartment maybe.”

There went my ease. Fuck no was she looking for an apartment. “Stop talking about moving out, okay? I don’t want you moving until our parents get home. You need to talk to your dad before you run off and start living alone. It isn’t exactly safe. You’re too young.”

She laughed. That soft musical sound that I heard so little of.  “I am not too young. What is it with you and my age? I am nineteen. I’m a big girl. I can live on my own safely. Besides, I can hit a moving target better than most police officers. My skills with a gun are pretty impressive. Stop with the unsafe and too young thing.”

The idea of Blaire and a gun excited and terrified me all at once. As sexy as that sounded I was also worried about her hurting herself.  “So you really do have a gun?”

She grinned and nodded.

“I thought Grant was just being funny. His sense of humor sucks sometimes.”

“Nope. I pulled it on him when he surprised me my first night here.”

Now that made me laugh.

“I’d have loved to have seen that.”

She just smiled and kept her head down. She wasn’t looking at me and I knew that remembering her first night here wasn’t a pleasant memory.

“I don’t want you to stay here just because you’re young. I get that you can take care of yourself or you at least think you can. I want you here because… I like having you here. Don’t leave. Wait until your dad gets back. It sounds like you two are way overdue for a visit. Then you can decide what you want to do. For now, how about you go upstairs and unpack? Think of all the money you can save living here. When you do move out then you’ll have a nice padded bank account.” I had just said way more than I wanted to. But I needed to get her to stay.

“Okay. If you really mean that then thank you.”

Thoughts of her in my bed naked started taunting me. I couldn’t let it turn into that. I had to remember Nan. And what that all meant to Blaire. She’d hate me in the end.

“I mean it. But that also means that the friend thing with us needs to remain in full effect,” I told her.

“Agreed,” she replied. I hadn’t wanted her to agree. I’d wanted her to beg me like she had last night. Because at this moment I was weak and I’d give in. I forced all sexual thoughts of Blaire out of my mind. I couldn’t think like this or I would go mad.

“Also, you are going to start eating the food in this house when you’re here.”

She shook her head at me.

“Blaire, this isn’t up for argument. I mean it. Eat my damn food.”

She stood up and leveled me with a determined glare.  “No. I will buy food and eat it. I am not… I’m not like my father.”

Fuck. Again this was all my damn fault. I stood up to look her directly in the eyes.  “You think I don’t know that by now? You’ve been sleeping in a damn broom closet without complaint. You clean up after me. You don’t eat properly. I am aware that you’re nothing like your dad. But you are a guest in my home and I want you eating in my kitchen and treating it like it’s yours.”

Blaire’s stiff shoulders eased a little.  “I’ll put my food in your kitchen and eat it in here. Will that be better?”

NO. That wasn’t better. I wanted her eating my food!

“If all you intend to buy is peanut butter and bread then no. I want you eating properly.”

She started to shake her head and I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Blaire, it will make me happy to know you’re eating. Henrietta buys the groceries once a week and stocks this place expecting me to have a lot of company. There is more than enough. Please. Eat. My. Food.”

She bit her bottom lip but not before a giggle escaped. Damn that was cute.

“Are you laughing at me?” I asked feeling the need to grin myself.

“Yeah. A little,” she replied.

“Does this mean you’re gonna eat my food?”

She let out a heavy sigh but she was still smiling.  “Only if you let me pay you weekly.”

I shook my head no and she jerked her hand free and started to walk away. Damn stubborn woman!

“Where are you going?” I asked her

“I’m done arguing with you. I will eat your food if I pay for my part. That’s the only deal I will agree to. So take it or leave it.”

I growled but I was going to have to give in.  “Okay fine. Pay me.”

She glanced back at me. “I’m going to go unpack. Then take a bath in that big ole tub and then I don’t know. I don’t have plans until tonight.”

     Tonight?  “With who?” I asked not sure I liked the sound of that.

“Bethy,” she replied.

“Bethy? The cart girl who Jace messes around with?” I really didn’t like the sound of that. Bethy was nothing but trouble. She’d get drunk and forget all about Blaire. The men that could hurt her… no. She wasn’t going without me. Someone needed to protect her sexy ass.

“Correction. The cart girl that Jace used to mess around with. She wised up and is moving on. Tonight we’re going honky-tonking to pick us up some hard working blue collar men.” She replied and then turned and hurried up the steps.

This conversation wasn’t over